Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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