The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
