is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
