I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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