Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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