Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
