so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
