Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize