im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
3 2 1 whiskey
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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