I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
