So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
