Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
