Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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