your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she smelled like a LAN party
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
