i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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