no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
