Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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