Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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