So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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