i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
