it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
