wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
