Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
