That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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