Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
