when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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