He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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