We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
