Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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