RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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