i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
