i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
