That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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