a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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