I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
