there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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