So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
