Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
