So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
