I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
