Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
