i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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