Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
