I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize