he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad