I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We talked him into tasing himself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable