I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid