Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey