You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.