Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
