Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
