He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
