I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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