i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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