im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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