Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
