Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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