Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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