my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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