wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
