I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
