Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
