Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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