It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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