porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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